DUMPETTY-DUMPETTY MUSIC, and then Pat Kenny appears, his eiuows braced on the desk and him staring intently at the camera like he might suddenly leap up and wrestle it to the ground. Hint of a Boyish Smile. (Thank God, that means they're not doing the North tonight. When they do the North it's Eyebrows Dipping and a hint of Oh God Wouldn't It All Get You Down Sometimes But Sure You Have To Soldier On Don't You?) Kenny: The Presidency. The highest office in the land. Today President Hillery was inaugurated for a second term at a rather splendid affair at Dublin Castle. The President, flanked by a guard of honour and with 40 pretty little girls strewing rose petals in his path, was wearing a cute little off-the-shoulder cape with just a touch of ermine along the collar. I was sporting a somewhat fetching little number in two-tone black with lapels you just wouldn't believe. We'll have a report on that event later. Add a comment

There now follows a party political broadcast on behalf of ... Add a comment

Do we really need Leitrim? It's not an easy question to ask. People's feelings can be hurt. The issue may prove divisive. Nevertheless, the Spontaneous Aggravation Party (SAP) has earned its reputation of grasping the nettle by the horns of the dilemma. And last month's Execuutive meeting of SAP did that very thing - and in the process forged a new economic concept. Add a comment

Things being what they are, holidays and stuff, I'm a bit pressed for time this month and so I've roped in a couple of guest stars to help out with the column. Like you to meet two of the finest people it's been my pleasure to know - Ira Ellenthal and Lou Porterfield. Big hand for Ira and Lou - thank you. Add a comment

There I was, February 1973. A young man in a world of infinite promise. A bit worried about some of the things in that world, but confident enough that it would all come right in the final reel. And we all had a chance to make sure it did. Here came an election. My first general election. The first election in which the kids of the Sixties could vote (they wouldn't let us vote in '69, you had to be 21).

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In his first year as Director (of the Arts Council), 0 Briain gave a memorable lecture/performance at the National Gallery in Dublin. Sitting in a dentist's chair and wearing a crash helmet he held forth on the state of the arts in Ireland. The same year he opened the Living Art Exhibition sitting in a deck chair with his back to the audience, wearing a pair of swimming trunks. Sunday Tribune May 8 Add a comment

Not doing too bad, are we? Most political movements burrow away for years and all they have to show for it is a few TDs elected. And, as all but the lame-brained will tell you, TDs are not so much an asset as an affliction. But we in the Spontaneous Aggravation Party have managed to destabilise the country in the space of a couple of years. Add a comment

The guy with the scraggy mustache nicked another of my cigarettes and said, "Of course, Ballagh is an excellent technician, but, well, one looks for more ... more heart really. Don't you think?"

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